Sooooo true. Anyhoo, gay straight virgin slapper he's a real nice guy.

Sharks came across more fun then tigers this week.. Poor tigers , they were having a bad week haha.

sonny a slap... naaa, he is cool.
i swear liam wasnt showed once in this episode. neither was hollie.
looking foward to next week i think that it will be good because at the end of this episode there were people kissing and all sorts of things going on!

I was sat next to Liam when he said 'Let's go kill some animals'

Well its Episode 5 and Shipwrecked has picked up the pace.

Doug and Dan arrive. One is a gay man and the other a Christian. It seems the idea is Christian Doug will rub gay Dan up the wrong way, all served up on lunchtime TV after the Christians have got back from throwing stones at teenage mums and the gays are getting ready for a trip to an antiques fair.

Served up to pander to prejudices, we are all waiting to see Doug condemn Dan to a lifetime of cocks crowing in his sordid shell-likes. It turns out that Doug, who has the kind of face you get on a blonde action man, doesn't hate Dan and to prove it spends the whole show answering the islander's interrogations on his attitude to gay people. If Doug talked about anything else in the whole episode I missed it.

Dan is desperate and looking for island love but just how gay is the London-based chap-chaser? It turns out he had a girlfriend for over two years. Either she was a trainee nun or he is an expert with every woman's favourite electrical appliance. With only one other gay on the islands I'm wondering if one of the girls might turn him back straight.

As for the girls, it turns out they all seem to do the same job. Rosie, Soodi and Maz are all 'promotions girls'. Sounds impressive doesn't it? What is a promotions girl though? Basically they are prostitutes you can't shag, paid to get off their pert hindquarters to (hardly) dress up and drape themselves over expensive cars like chilli sauce on a kebab. What do promotions girls do if there aren't enough middle-aged sleazes happy to spend £20 entering an airport raffle they won't win in exchange for a look down a fit bird's top? If you've ever been offered a free chocolate bar outside a busy station by a giggling Jezzebel you have met a promotions girl. Why aren't Shipwrecked honest with us? "Floozy-for-hire" is the expression they are looking for.

To help the Sharks overcome tribal in-fighting, Doug makes a new rule. Apparently the solution to the Sharks problems isn't an everlasting gobstopper for nitwit Nadejah but a 'sacred circle' - a place to calmly discuss their differences. The sacred circle does the trick and soon Nadejah is in front of camera saying "we are a good group as a whole". Does this girl have any ounce of self-awareness?

I'm betting the sacred circle will be a wrestling ring by Episode 8.

On Tigers, Desperate Dan has got all the boys running round after some cock. Eventually the animal is caught and despatched by Greg and Sonny and after a good plucking from Hermione it is soon in the pot, much to Dan's surprise, who "didn't realise you could boil a chicken" and was perhaps expecting they would take it round KFC. Next week, Dan gets a surprise when tea doesn't come straight out of the kettle and corned beef is found in a tin.

Among the Sharks, starvation rations are taking their toll on 'Zanfeh', who after five weeks on the island is looking like Carlos the Jackal's kid brother.

Dan pulls Doug aside for a quiet chat to ask if he disapproves of gayness. Does that count as a pass? The pair prove there's no beef and agree to move to Shark Island. It gets worse for the Tigers as it turns out Greg hasn't pulled Hermione and fancies another crack at Maz, jumping ship to leave the Tigers trailing by four.

Two new arrivals soon ship up. One is a token Scot, or is she Irish? The other is the bloke out of Prison Break. The problems on Shark Island haven't gone away though and if Mark and Nadejah carry on talking in stereo I expect Andrew will be calling in an airstrike.

Risers:
Rosie - more calm diplomacy.... heck, she's carrying on like an adult!
Andrew - how entertaining is this guy? He's the most complete contestant on reality TV I've seen.

Fallers:
Greg - no loyalty to the Tigers and he made Hermione cry. Tut-tut Mr Jones.


 

"davidohara" I sortof liked ur reviews until now but youve gone completely off the point and now gone into a non-stop rant throwing in more cheap shots than anything about the programme.

Personally I am also a promo girl and don't appreciate being called a prostitute. Though I'm sure you know plenty about prostitutes seing as your sense of humour is unlikely to charm any other conscious girl into bed...

David, you'll never please everyone with your reviews, and if they don't your style, they simply needn't read your review.

Personally, my favourite line was...